Military Spouse Discrimination

Does anyone else have the urge to throat punch people who say "you signed up for this"? Even my husband, with his 10 years on Active Duty, didn't entirely know what I was "signing up" for when I said "I do".

The day I came home from work and told my husband that my that my boss told me to my face that she would never hire another military member or military spouse again, he was just as shocked an appalled as I was. Never in my life would I have thought that someone would discriminate against a group of people who were strong, disciplined, and dedicated to being productive members of society. That manager went on to confess that "military people" always turned out to be the best employees but the turnover and cost of training wasn't worth it.

Now, money and time invested are something that the practical and logical side of me can understand. I started to think about it: If you look purely at the numbers, hiring a military spouse, who will be guaranteed to only work for 2-3 years, over someone who could work for 10-20 years really isn't a good business decision on paper. That, my friends, is the problem. Some business owners don't care to hire a better quality employee if it means they will spend more money and have more turnover. Discriminating against someone because of their skin color makes you an asshole, but discriminating against someone because they're a military spouse makes you a financially savvy asshole.

This leaves us with the question: "What can we do about it?". I find the answer to be complicated and different case-by-case. The first thing you have to decide is if you want to share with your employer that you are a military spouse. I think that decision should be based on how badly you want the job. Sometimes you don't have a choice in the matter because you resume reads like a world map of military bases.

It starts with an interview. Your perspective employer isn't allowed to ask if you are married but they can ask "What brought you to the area?". An innocent question for most people but an interview death trap for military spouses. If you are trying to hide your military affiliation, you could say "to be closer to family" if you have family in proximity to your spouse's duty station. You could also glibly respond that "I wanted to be close to the beach". It's not a lie but an alternate truth. If they ask how long you expect to be in the area, then respond "the foreseeable future" or "until I decide to leave." Following your spouse to their next duty station is technically your decision to leave. Right?

After you land the job, the next decision you must make is whether or not to continue to hide your military affiliation. Again, I think that depends on your situation. If you think there is room for promotion it's probably best to continue to hide it. Unless, of course, you have a unicorn of a boss who is supportive of military life. I had a co-worker (that was both a military spouse and a reservist) who was told that she couldn't take a temporary promotion to fill in for someone because she is military. I think hiding your military life from your co-workers would be extremely hard emotionally. You need to be able to open up to the people you see everyday about the hardships you experience. If your spouse is deployed and you have to call out for your kids or because the deployment gremlins struck again, I imagine your co-workers would be much more understanding if they knew your situation. I feel incredibly sorry for anyone who feels they have to hide their life from their colleagues because they want a promotion in the future and have an unsupportive boss. It sounds extremely lonely but it's understandable why someone in our situation would feel obligated to do so.

I want to take a minute to thank all the employers out there that are supportive of military spouses. The world needs more people like you; someone genuinely cares for hardworking people and about their work enough to hire people in quality over quantity. You have no idea the difference you make when you give a military spouse purpose in a life where he/she has definitely felt without one at some point. Thank you.

Share your experiences in the comments below!